I’ve always made wishes on eyelashes. It’s a silly, childish thing, where you find an eyelash on your face, hold it on your finger, make a wish and blow it off. I’ve always made eyelash wishes, ever since I was little, and over time it’s become an instinctive thing I do without even thinking, like avoiding sidewalk cracks. When you realize you’re doing it, you feel silly, but you can’t help it—it’s habit.
The interesting thing about eyelash wishes for me is that it’s so habitual now that I don’t even weigh wish options against one another; I see an eyelash and my wish pops into my head in a full sentence, as if the wish-deliberation has been carried out unconsciously already. My wish is the quick, gut-reaction thing that I most want.
Of course, this is sometimes an embarrassing look into the inner workings of my brain. When I was really little, wishes were for toys or treats. In middle school, I made angsty wishes for crushes to be requited or zits to fade (and then was disgusted with myself, even then, for not having more substantial wishes). In high school, they were wishes for tests and papers to go well, or for squabbles with friends to be resolved. You can’t trick your unconscious wish, even if you try to change it after the fact. Plus, the only thing more pathetic than wishing a petty wish is trying to change your wish to be more virtuous, inside your head where no one else can hear it. Go ahead, lie to yourself, that’ll work.
Anyways, I’m a bit of a mess right now. My car broke down, which is costing an arm and a leg to fix and leaving me at loose ends relying on people to drive me places. My back is in knots from hunching over kids’ desks all day. I was awake from 2am to 3am last night because I couldn’t get the freaking threes multiplication song out of my head. I’m stressed and exhausted and seriously considering moving to Tahiti. There are a lot of contenders for Top Eyelash Wish these days.
Yet what wish did I hear myself think in my head ten minutes ago, upon finding an eyelash on my face? What won the internal unconscious deliberation? What is, apparently, my dearest wish tonight?
God, I wish my kids will learn.